Salami Army

We are finally getting the chance to unleash our spring wardrobes and flash a bit of skin – albeit very white. Skin is everywhere: Cleavages, toes, forearms, calves and yes, even some knees. Some skin is naturally glowing with colour, others have theirs chemically enhanced. There are quite a few legs that look like they are straight from the arctic. Then there’s my skin, aptly described by my younger sister (who shares the same type) as ‘salami skin’. Sunspots like flecks of fat, dotted with freckles and a pinkish after-sun glow. So salami you could make a pizza.

I always greet that first burst of sunshine with some trepidation. I have a fear of exposing those opaque (not to mention hairy) legs and unkempt toenails. Afraid my skin will ‘freckle up with my first rays. No one wants to look like salami.

When I was asked to describe my hand as a country with inhabitants for a writing assignment, the salami analogy helped me and I admit it is pretty out there but here it is below:

My Hand is a country

The landscape is dry but smooth, as though you could slide from one point to the next. There is a tangle of river systems and four large mountains, the fifth has eroded and is more like an undulating slope. Trees are dotted over the landscape and if you travel to the centre you are greeted with a criss-cross of opportunities and directions to follow. Some lead back to the Knuckle Mountain Ranges, others lead to the discovery of gold and precious stones. Any movement on the landscape causes the ocean to ripple across the country, moving to the borders before settling.

Inhabitants

Little Salami Men are unperturbed by the terrain, settling in creases and on mountains but they cannot conquer the centre region – Palm. There are opportunities in Palm for their colony and a good infrastructure could lead to gold and precious stones. However, sunlight is limited and the Little Salami Men’s growth and any possibility of inhabiting this region are severely impeded by the climate and terrain in Palm.

Belief System – Religion, Myths, Celebrations

Little Salami Men (or sunspots) are given their name because of their similar appearance to the fat flecks in a piece of salami. They worship the Sun God and believe that by being dedicated to the sun and her UVA & UVB warriors that they will have prominence and power.

They celebrate and welcome summer with great excitement. When word passes round that the inhabitants are to meet with the Sun God or Madam Bronze from Planet Solarium they soak in their UVA baths, munch on Soleil burgers and get ready to bask in the heat and glory.

However, they are threatened by sunscreen, a white creamy force that washes over unannounced in warm weather. There are great celebrations when they manage to thrive and resurface after the white wash. One such Little Salami man – ‘Salamad Ali’ is renowned for his sunscreen fighting and dodging. He holds his breath so he doesn’t absorb the UVA & UVB resistant force and then packs a punch when he roots himself to the terrain. He is a true champion of the country but the Cancer Council has a bounty on his head.