Parenting Conundrums

I got the odd smack on the hand, or hairbrush across the backside as a child and I turned out all right. However, after reading my current parenting book, it’s not acceptable to use this excuse as a justification of a backhander on your misbehaving child. O.K so this Parenting: A Practical Guide for Raising Preschool and Primary School Children, by education consultant, Kathy Walker is going to make me feel like a bad Mum.

I read on and I get to the refusing to eat dinner part. Luckily my children eat their veggies first and know that dessert will not precede a full plate (another blackmail no no.) I had to laugh because Walker said that so many parents/carers use the 1960’s line “the poor starving children in Africa have no food.” Just last week, I had to show my kids some images of starving children on the Internet so that they would understand. Firstly we had a lesson in geography and then in poverty. My son decided it wasn’t too bad because the poor children got to eat porridge (gruel) his favourite cereal Perhaps a little early to feel empathy and now that Kathy said it’s a tired old line, I may have to think up something more exotic.

Walker’s book cover is attractive with its cluttered hooks and hanging school bags and coats. Each chapter is clearly set out under headings and separated into four parts: Understanding Yourself and Your Children; Proactive Parenting; Trouble Shooting and; Looking After Yourself.

Walker highlights the need to have normal non-costly interaction with your family by going for walks, reading books, gardening together etc. She touches on building resilience in our children and on providing a safe, predictable home life. Giving our children opportunities to try new experiences when appropriate and avoiding burdening them with high expectations.

Up to this point I’m ticking boxes. No entertainers at parties, lots of family time, trying to get the kids to resolve their conflict (not always without intervention) and eating together as a family. Then I read about reflective listening and every time I read it in educators books, the words ‘patronizing’ flash at me: “I can see you’re angry with me because I have told you not to do that.” My current comeback: “Don’t you dare speak to anyone like that.” Hmmmmm not that reflective on reflection

Then Walker lost me at “If the household is out of control, the children’s behavior is more likely to be erratic.” Try the house is out of control because of your devotion to your children. A cluttered home is a cosy home and one where children feel free to explore and express themselves. It means you have thought it was more important to read a story, cook together and draw pictures than mop, dust and iron. It means you have dumped your stuff on the bench so you could get dinner ready to eat together at 6pm and listen to the readers beforehand. It means that you have other important things to do than cleaning.

I really like Kathy Walker and her approach to parenting but like a newborn baby, sometimes you have to do what works for you. Having said that, I recommend reading this book if you have preschool and primary aged children. There is a big section on starting school and some of the stages associated with this new learning curve. Walker is practical and in touch with Australian parents and indeed very supportive of this full time role.

I avoid parenting blogs because my free time is time for me as an individual and I limit myself to reading one parenting book a year. I wasn’t going to buy this book and loaned it from the kinder. However, my daughter left her open water bottle in the front seat next to Walker’s book and let’s just say there wasn’t much reflective listening from me…but you’re welcome to borrow it.