I used to be loyal to one author at a time. In my childhood it was Dr Seuss and Mr. Men books. As a junior, Roald Dahl hooked me with his incredible imagination and hilarious character descriptions. The BFG is one of my all-time favourite books (perhaps that’s why I am such a good belcher?)
As a teenager, I remember going through a Judy Bloom stage. I was terrified Mum would find my borrowed copy of Forever (the infamous sex scene) and coping with the embarrassment of her knowing I had ‘one of those’ type of books. In hindsight, Mum wouldn’t have cared less.
As a young adult, Lurlene McDaniel was an author I was fascinated with. She confronted and explored illness, death and relationships. In my 20’s, I enjoyed reading Bryce Courtney’s novels in sequence. The 30’s have unleashed me and I read adult, junior, fiction, non-fiction - anything and everything!
Sawn-off Tales is a brilliant collection of left-of-centre stories that show you how incredibly creative the human mind can be – especially David Gaffney’s!
To give you a taste I have pulled out some striking sentences:
“I could see through him like a cheap nightie”
“Metallic snare ripped the air…bleeping gnashing metal beast”
“Words ‘nudging up against each other”
“Her house had huge bay windows like a comforting bosom into which I sank’
‘A thousand parallel existences, each nourishing the other’
There are stories about young employees ‘cracking onto’ each other by joining ‘Weetos’ cereal together to form names and squeezing cheesy sauce messages on the splash glass. Another talks about a hairdresser knowing you’ve had a “tight arse” haircut since he last cut your hair. There’s a completely bizarre one about sharing a toilet seat with a stranger who complains about society being ‘stand-offish’. A man who finds solace sleeping inside his large empty wardrobe and another who tries to follow a dating guide and ends up wearing at-shirt that says ‘dirty bastard’ in Swahili. There’s even some computer server operator who gets a thrill from shutting down servers each night.
Some stories seem like they could be linked and there is an underlying theme of affairs and being caught in the act, or being ignorant of such a misdemeanor.
There are stories of forgetful birthday card givers, phone sex callers, sick-leave addicts and marginalized people who should be in the zoo (implying that’s how we treat them). Gaffney takes simple concepts and twists them into crazy tales of deceit, destruction, obsession and wit.
Some stories made me think Gaffney is disturbed, others only human, a few crazy, and mostly - he’s just bloody hilarious!
It even makes you think up quirky stories of your own like painting your house fluorescent pink to piss of the neighbours. Counting how many red cars drive up and down your street. Getting high on some foul smell (like wet dog) or stealing good junk mail (like the KFC and DVD vouchers) from other people’s letterboxes. See how mutant the brain can become! No, I haven’t tried any of the above!
Sawn-off Tales is not a book I would normally choose off the shelf, but I enjoyed the simple (each tale approximately 2 pages) complexity of this collection.
Luckily my English-born hub helped me to pick up little English words, places and abbreviations.
I give it an 8 for readability and 10 for originality!
What twisted thoughts can you create into a story?
PS It may take two hours to read but it takes another two hours to scrawl notes and stop thinking about each story (give yourself a couple of nights at least).
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